Beautiful Disarray
by Annie Barde
Summary: She was more than just a pretty face. She was disturbed. CH 4 UP!...as of July 18.
1. Whirlwind

[1] Whirlwind

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_Author's Note_: This is my first true angsty Dasey story. "Love in the Third Degree" was mostly Sasey. There's a difference. You might get another chapter called "Bargains" if you review. :)

Enjoy the first chapter of "Beautiful Disarray."

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She was floating. Floating to a place she didn't know. The dark welcomed her, embraced her. She landed, knelt. She gasped.

And before her…

Like a movie, the scenes of her life played.

She was once a ballerina, a trained dancer. But that was gone.

She once had a goal, to live life to the fullest. But that was gone.

Now what did she know of herself? Couldn't anyone take this pain away?

She wept, still. She didn't know how long she had been there.

She reluctantly lifted her head with angry iced tears.

His face. All she could see was his face. Haunting her. _Taunting_ her.

"Come on," he seemed to whisper. "It's alright. Take my hand."

And she reached. Reached to give him her hand, toward the screen of nothingness. She was shocked.

"Why can you reach me?" she cried bitterly. "Help me. Please." she whispered.

The screen faded black. Why did this scene keep recurring?

She wanted to touch him, to give him her hand, but as always, it was too late. Her heart hurt with a terrible ache. Her head hurt with a terrible ache.

"Please tell me I'm dreaming." she whispered, to no one.

And suddenly. She was standing, in a place so familiar. There they were! A girl and a boy, talking. Sitting. What were they talking about?

"Everything's been better, now that's she's gone." the girl said.

"Don't you miss her a little?" the boy asked the girl.

The girl grinned. "I wish that were true."

"How do you think _he _feels?" the boy asked.

"I'm sure he's feeling fine."

"Actually, he feels miserable."

"How do you know?" the girl snapped instantly. He must have struck a nerve with this girl.

The boy shrugged. "Haven't you seen the melancholy on his face? Him glancing through her empty room? Flipping through her pictures?"

The girl considered this. "No, I've avoided him. You know how he treated her."

"Like she was nothing, I know. But he did care for her at one point."

"That might have been true, but don't you think he might have actually told her how he felt about her if she had seen the signs herself? They were there all along."

The boy shook his head. "Sometimes people do crazy things."

The young woman, She, looked at them, in amazement. They were talking about her. Like she wasn't even there. And then they vanished, and she felt herself transported into another world.

In this world, a man and a woman were talking.

"I'm so worried about him." the woman said. "He clearly hasn't been the same."

The man nodded. "Who knew that he would feel so lost?"

"I just want to do something for him. Give him words of comfort, anything."

"Don't we all?"

The 'him' they were talking about was down in an instant. She gasped, watching the scene. It was him! The one who had been on the screen! The screen of her life!

"Would you stop?" he said icily. "I can hear you from up there, you know."

"Is there anything you want to tell us?" the woman asked him.

"No." he shook his head. "I'm fine. Really. She's gone, and there's nothing I can do about it."

She looked at him with intense sadness. She understood how he felt. _She _didn't even know what was going on.

And then…

The scenery disappeared.

She was shaken out of her reverie. She gasped, longing for air. She was awoken.

She clutched, reached, grabbed onto her body as she fell back, and waited for the tears to come. She dove into a world of grief.

She sobbed, whimpered, in desperation that he would come back in her dreams.

But she knew he would be there. He always was.

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And so....? Thoughts? Like/love/dislike/loathe? Review, please.

X.X. Annie

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	2. Bargains

[2] Bargains

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_Author's Note_: Hey, Annie here. Thank you to everybody who reviewed! That's coming from the heart, honestly, and now I have some replies...

To **ArtemisDestiny**: I'm glad to hear you say that you were confused. As messed up as that seems, that was the point of the first chapter. You weren't supposed to realize it was Casey at ALL, and that's why I've written THIS chapter. Hopefully, it clarifies things a little more. If you're still confused, I would be glad to answer any more questions.

To **lwd rocks**: Thank you for commenting on my style of writing! I'm touched! It is a bit out there, yeah, but it is supposed to be a dark fic, and I'm hoping that the way I'm writing it stands out to complement its nature. To answer your question about Casey...she is not a ghost. She is very much alive. She's just been having these weird nightmares about her past and family, and chapter 2 goes into that further.

To **kmr04**: Thank you for that awesome comment! I'm glad you like it. It's supposed to be a little bit mysterious that way.

To **xxkpxx**: Casey is not dead, and she did not leave. As the story goes on, you'll be able to find out why she keeps having these weird dreams.

If anyone is still confused, keep reading! It'll all come out...I promise!

Once again, thank you for reviewing. Now I present you with another chapter of "Beautiful Disarray" called "Bargains." Read and review and youl'll get another chapter called "Something." :) And yes, that is the real title.

X.X. Annie

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A firm hand shook her shoulder gently. "Are you alright? You look like you've seen a ghost."

She looked up at the man standing before her, lazy blue eyes and thick blond hair. He had a nice smile on his face, but she was sure that he was out to get to her. They always were.

"N-no." she faltered. "I'm fine."

"That's what you said the last time," he said. "Those dreams really do keep coming back for more, don't they?"

She shook her head slowly. "Why do you think I keep seeing these visions?"

He looked at her for a brief moment. He studied the young woman before him, shaken, a bit distraught. She looked like the kind of girl with big ambitions. She'd told him that even. Once, at their first session.

"Are you running away from something? _Scared_ of something?"

"I'm not." She slowly exhaled. "I'm really not. Am I?"

"I think you are." the man said. "So, I'm going to devise a plan to help you. Here, take this." He handed her a leather bound book. She studied it. It was a journal. But she realized there were only seven pages. She looked at him questionably.

"Yes, a rather interesting journal, isn't it? Only filled with seven pages, with not really a lot of space to fill them fully. I give these books to all those who are in need of it."

"What am I to write in here?"

"Your _dreams_." he said, in a voice quite malicious. "Choppy. Only the details of which you can remember. Then, when you come in for our session next week, you'll be able to tell me more. You see, even with the slightest detail, you're still likely to remember the dream as vivid as you dreamt it."

His blue eyes bored into _her_ blue ones. "You understand what I'm telling you, don't you?"

"Yes." she answered. "I believe I do."

"So…let's talk about the dream you just had on my couch." he said in a light tone.

She stiffened. "God, sorry. I must have looked…"

"…terrible?" he finished for her. "Not in the least. It's intriguing what you can interpret."

She stared at him.

He shrugged. "Your dream is peculiar. And although it keeps recurring, it seems to unravel a bit more each time. Can you tell me about it?"

"The screen was no different than it was last time. I saw a younger version of myself, dancing. I don't think that will ever change. I had always believed in my dancing, that it would me bring me to the top. And it would have if I hadn't seen _him_."

The man, of course, knew of the 'him' she was referring to. The one young man that kept appearing on her screen.

She continued. "But it was different this time. He actually spoke to me. He wanted me to take his hand. I reached for the screen and then I couldn't. He was gone."

The man nodded. "Then you disappeared into that room again, didn't you?"

She smiled sadly. "I did. I saw the boy and girl. Talking while sitting. But they weren't talking about anything cheery at all. They were talking about me. And _his_ feelings for me. How I didn't see the signs. And then again, the atmosphere changed."

"Leading you to the man and woman, yes?"

"Right. They were talking about him too, how they wished they could be there for him. And he came down, demanding them to stop talking like he wasn't there. I want to do that too."

He stopped jotting the notes on his pad.

"Have you _tried_ talking to them?"

"Oh, no." she shook her head. "I couldn't. I'm afraid that will ruin things. I guess I should just wait it out and see what happens."

"That wouldn't be wise. One day, you'll have to confront all of them, including _him_."

She looked at the journal resting on her lap. The man grabbed her hands.

"Listen to me. I want you to take that book, and possibly, vividly, give me every detail you can remember. For a week. That's all I ask."

"What will happen to me after?" she asked.

"You might feel different." He let go of her hands. "But for now, we must say goodbye." The clock above the doorframe behind them chimed. It was three o'clock.

She stood up, afraid to leave him.

"Go on," he encouraged. "Write them down, starting tonight. I'll see you in a week."

She nodded and stepped out of the door, waving goodbye.

He watched her go. A woman much younger than his patient had stepped in cheerily.

"Dr. Richards? How is the McDonald case going? I just saw her."

Doctor Sam Richards smiled. "She's still a little shaky. We'll give her a bit more thought in the next session, won't we?"

Yes, indeed it _was_ his past that had sauntered in. And her name was Casey McDonald. _She_.

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And so...thoughts? How surprising is it that _Sam_ ended up as _Casey's_ dream analyst? Bet you didn't see that one coming. But more about him later...tell me if you liked/loved/dislike/loathed this chapter. Get clicking! And as always, if you have any more questions, I'll be more than happy to answer.

X.X. Annie

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	3. Something

[3] Something

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_Author's Note_: Hey, everyone. I am pleased to have gotten more reviews on this fic! That makes me really happy, so I'm going to tell you some thoughts of my own...

To **Lanter**: I'm sorry for the confusion of Chapter 1. You weren't really supposed to figure out what was going on. Not until Chapter 2, which I thought would clarify things, because of the ending, but that didn't really help you either. Hopefully Chapter 3 is much easier to understand.

To **kmr04**: Again, another review! Thanks for keeping up with this story. Casey is not having a breakdown. Or not really. I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm kinda making this up as I go. Which is not good, considering I'd like to be a writer someday, and all good authors know to be on the lookout for unexpected questions. In Chapter 3, which is really short, you'll get to hear her experience of her dream, in her point of view. This means she'll describe what she's actually dreaming, which other confused people should really pay attention to.

To **QueenKalasin**: Thank you for commenting me on my writing style! At first, I was worried that people would not get this story at all, and that's been happening so far, so I've decided to stop writing in that style from Chapters 3 through whatever. (I haven't exactly picked a stopping point yet. As I've said before, I'm kinda figuring it out as I go along.) It was only meant for the two chapters because her name wasn't ever mentioned, which is why you had to pay close attention to the end of Chapter 2. I'm glad I caught your interest!

A few BTWs that you might have missed...

-- Casey is dreaming in Chapter 1...we don't find out she's in Sam's office until Chapter 2. Just like her name.

-- Who exactly is in Casey's dream? Derek appears on the "screen of her life", Lizzie is the girl, Edwin is the boy, and the woman and man are Nora and George, respectively. This dream also takes place in the McDonald-Venturi residence in London, Ontario, which is a relevant setting in this story as it unravels, just like Sam's office.

-- Casey has gone to other doctors before, as mentioned in Chapter 2.

-- She's been having this dream for awhile now. Not sure exactly how long yet...but we'll get there. {TO BE DETERMINED}

Once again, thank you for the reviews and keep 'em coming! Sorry for the extra short chapter. Let me know if there's something I should edit. If you keep reviewing, you might get another chapter called "Missed." Please enjoy the third chapter of "Beautiful Disarray," "Something."

X.X. Annie

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Casey reached her car outside of Dr. Richards' office. She closed her eyes for a minute. What was he trying to tell her? What could she possibly be scared of? The truth, that's what. That she was crazy. The doctor didn't tell her directly, but she could tell in his voice.

She got inside the car, but didn't start the ignition. She had some thinking to do. Rummaging through her bag, she felt the leather bound book. The dream journal that Sam had given her. The book that could save her sanity for seven nights.

She felt around and found what she needed. A slim silver cell phone.

She pressed a button and pressed 'SEND.' A male's gruff voice answered on the other line.

"Hello?"

"D-derek?" her voice was shaky. "It's me."

"Casey," his voice filled with relief. "Are you okay? You sound weird."

She sighed. "No, I'm not. I just saw Sam. He told me the same thing as all the others. They can't figure it out. What's wrong with me?"

"Nothing. You're just having strange nightmares, that's all."

"That's not all, Derek. You know that. I keep dreaming I'm dead! Every night. And you're there, trying to help me, and I can't…I can't hold onto you. I'm really scared that something's going to happen to me."

"Casey, you're safe. Okay? You're talking to me, I'm talking to you. And in about twenty minutes, you'll be home in your apartment, safe and sound. I'll be there for you, okay?"

"Okay." she whispered. "I'm gonna start heading home now."

"Alright," he said. "Be careful."

"I will," she said as she hung up.

And backing out of the parking lot, she focused on getting home as quickly as she possibly could.

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"He gave me a dream journal." she stated as she walked through the main entrance of her apartment building.

"Why?"

"He thought it would be easier for me to remember every single detail that way. Every time I have that dream, I have to write it down."

"What happened at the office?"

"I dreamt." Casey said simply. "I was knocked out, and started dreaming. You were there, Liz and Ed, Mom and George. I don't know where Marti was. But they were all talking. Talking about me. Talking about you. Liz and Ed were saying how you were miserable, without me there. I guess I had missed the signs about your feelings for me. And Lizzie said it was better that I wasn't there. I couldn't believe it. And the dream changed, and I was standing in the kitchen, with Mom and George. They were worried about you. How you weren't the same after I died. And you came downstairs. You were mad. You said I was gone, and there was nothing you do about it. And then I woke up."

Derek looked at her with concern. "And Sam gave you the dream journal."

Casey nodded. "It's different every time. Something new happens or something changes. I haven't had it like this before." She paused. "You know what? I think I want to go home."

"To London?"

"Yeah."

"Now?"

"No time like the present," she half- smiled. "I have to tell them. I haven't seen in awhile, and I need to be with my family now."

"Casey, we're gonna get through this. We'll figure out what's going on."

"Yeah. I really believe that we can."

He smiled at her.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for being there for me. For everything. You've been so understanding. And I'm really glad that you're helping me."

"I care about you Casey. I really do. If you think what Lizzie and Edwin said in your dream wasn't true, it is. I do have feelings for you. More than a step-brother should. And I felt that a long time ago, the feeling's still there every time I look at you. Every time I talk to you."

Casey squeezed his hand as they entered the elevator to take to her floor.

_What happens now?_ she thought.

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And so...thoughts? Liked/loved/disliked/loathed this chapter? Review please. And as always, I'll be here to respond to your reviews!

X.X. Annie

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	4. Missed

[4] Missed

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_Author's Note_: Hey everybody. Sorry I haven't updated in awhile...things have been going on with me, good and bad. I wrote this chapter right after I got the reviews for "Something", but I forgot to upload. Hope you guys still forgive me! Now, for some responses to the latest batch of reviews...

**Lanter**: Good that you know what's going on! I find that to be totally loyal to my readers, I must be honest with them and let them in on the whole story. As every author should.

**Leaf26**: Thanks for reviewing! And here's the latest update. ;)

**lwd rocks**: It's okay that you didn't review on the last chapter, and I'm also really glad that it cleared up things for you! I also liked that you liked the style of writing for the first couple of chapters, but I'm glad that someone else had brought up of how confusing it might be. I think I was really holding onto the fact that you weren't suppose to realize that all this was happening to _Casey_, and that's why I didn't reveal it until the end of chapter 2.

**kmr04**: You mentioned questions. What kind of questions do you have about this story? Let me know, and I'll be glad to help answering them! And thanks for the compliment.

I'm pleased to know that there are readers following this story, even though I'm pretty much making it up as I go. And I'm glad you all have a pretty good understanding of it now. If there has been any confusion, I hope it's been clear for you so far.

As for this chapter, this one is all about Sam. I did mention at the end of chapter 2, you'll learn of his relevance in how he bacame Casey's dream analyst and here it is in "Missed." Keep reviewing and you'll get another chapter called "Homecoming" a.k.a. Chapter 5.

Enjoy~

X.X. Annie

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Sam Richards flipped through the case file labeled "McDonald, C." and glanced at the contents. There was a chart, along with a picture of Casey and pages of notes. He wanted to try to get a clue as to why her nightmares kept coming back. He scanned the notes to find what he was looking for. It was there. Under "Trauma/Injuries."

"Patient, 25. Car crash with additional passengers, nearly fatal. Passengers claimed to be family members. Driver, Patient, suffered head injuries and a short case of amnesia."

He shook his head slightly. Why hadn't Derek told him? They had been best friends after all. The accident had happened well over five years ago. He could understand why Casey hadn't brought up the accident herself to him…they had a history long before they went their separate ways. He could see why that might have been tough for him.

Sam looked at the picture of Casey. She looked young, vibrant, and full of hopes and dreams. And here she was now, making appointments with Sam to interpret her dreams. At least Sam didn't mind. He was grateful that she didn't make a big deal of him being her doctor and getting to _really_ know her. Sometimes he wondered if this profession was really the smartest choice he ever made.

Sam could recall the times in high school where Derek would need his help, asking him about what to do about girls, about the band they once had, about bullies. Sam had always been interested in helping other people and wanted to reach out to them when they needed him. That's how he got into Psychology.

When he was 18, he went off to college in the States, five years of studying to get his Ph.D., and an extra two years of training. And here he was at the age of 30, being a psychologist to the girl he had always loved.

Life was complicated sometimes.

But not complicated enough to make him forget why he took on Casey McDonald's case anyway.

He looked through more notes. "Casey McDonald, 29. Claims she's having nightmares about her own death. Dramatization of the accident four years ago with her family, perhaps? Why is it suddenly haunting her now?"

_**Oh, Casey. I really do want to help you. But you have to fill out that dream journal. Can you do that for me?**_

After they broke up towards the end of their sophomore year, he really did miss her. Then she dated the football captain, Max, and the playboy Truman French. He hadn't always agreed with her about her taste in guys, but he had always wanted to see her happy.

"Casey's nightmares are more vivid each night than the nights before. They start off in a haze, and she almost never wants to wake up."

"Patient claims that she watches the movie of her life in her dream. Looking into it. Her stepbrother, D. Venturi, appears on the screen, and appears to reach out and grab her."

"She's transported into different rooms of her family's house. First the living room and then the kitchen."

"Hasn't interacted with the family members that she sees."

"There's no sign of her younger stepsister."

Now what could that mean? Sam reread that last note. Maybe Casey's not dreaming about her own death. Did she dream about Marti's once?

He continued.

"Movie of her life disappears before she can hold onto Derek."

Was she afraid?

And then he saw the note that he wrote himself: "Patient claims that Lizzie and Edwin were talking about Derek's feelings towards her. She vanishes to the kitchen. She hears Nora and George talking. Derek comes down the stairs and the dream disappears. She woke up crying on my couch in my office."

Maybe during their next session, they could talk about her feelings. Just because he was interpreting her dreams didn't mean they couldn't talk about her feelings too, right?

_**Maybe I'll have her talk about the accident to try to figure out what's wrong with her.**_

But that was the only thing he didn't want to do. But yet he had to if he was going to save her from going insane.

He had missed Casey. He missed her smile, her laugh. Her everything. The last thing he needed was her to be scared and confused for the rest of her life.

He'd regret it for the rest of _his_ life. He had to save Casey. He just had to.

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Alright, I admit it. That was a pretty short chapter. And it's pretty OOC for Sam, _but_...I had to do it. Maybe _this_ chapter will clear up anything else you're concerned about? So...thoughts? Liked/loved/disliked/loathed this chapter?

As always, I'll respond to your reviews! Happy reading!

X.X. Annie

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